Reflections..or..Real talk, lets do it

So, lets just get this over with, shall we?

I’m Shyntae, I’m 29 and I have Multiple Sclerosis. I got diagnosed by the age of 25..ish, it was probably a few months before I turned 25, anywho, I had my entire life in front of me before I got the diagnosis. I only found out because I almost went blind in my left eye. I ignored the numbness of my left leg for months, thinking it was just a nerve in my neck messing up due to a previous whip-lash injury. Turns out it wasn’t. I had MS.

This crushed me. Seriously, I went home and crashed on my couch and cried for hours. This was just shy of a year of losing my father, my best friend in this world. I thought losing him would be the worst thing to happen to me in many, many years. Turns out it wasn’t..at all. The pain of that diagnosis..the confusion, the fear, the sheer panic I felt can not compare to anything else I have ever experienced..ever.

I was lucky..I think, as lucky as you can get with MS anywho. I have _the_ leading doctor of MS in Sweden, which is a good thing for me. But that also means he is very busy and can’t see me as much as I’d like to, nor talk to me to calm me down. The first meeting I had with him was basically “Oh, it could be MS, but nah, lets not say that for now, this could be a whole lot of other things, so don’t worry about it for now” and the second meeting with him going  “Yep, I’ts MS, lets get these tests done. I’m sure you suspected it by now..but lets just get it confirmed”. And they did..as they held me down..with a needle in my spine to get some fluids to confirm my diagnosis, as I tried to breathe through a pillow as my nurses tried to pet me soothingly.

I had to take a cab home from the hospital,  as a bus-ride was just too rough. I had to call my boyfriend home from work, so he could take care of me for the day, because I was just incapable of it. I just could’t. I stayed in a horizontal position, as ordered by my nurses, for the entire day. Seriously, lumbar punctures suck and they are scary as hell.

Those nurses…honestly, if it wasn’t for them I would have gone nuts by now. They have kept me calm, they have called me to make sure I was alright. They address me by name, because they do remember me, and whatever I told them. I can not give praise to them enough for what they have done for me, and I love them for it.

As for my doctor..well, as I said he is the leading doctor of MS in Sweden, so I am very grateful I have him, honestly, he is the best. He is just so very busy with all the meetings, with learning new things, all the seminars he goes too. I am lucky to have him, because it means I have a doctor who keeps on top on things..and the same goes for the nurses who works under him. They keep up to date on all the new meds, all the new discoveries concerning MS, everything I need to know, and they are all too happy to answer any and all questions I have.

So..the reason I brought this up?

Well, several reasons actually.

I’ve been meaning to talk  about this for a long while, it was just hard for me to find the words to get started, but a comment from Tyr on Plurk really set it off today (<3 Thank you, but I am not “The Boss” . I just deal with what I have to, every day. If I didn’t find the humor in this, Id be going crazy by now)

If I didn’t have a sense of humor, anything at all, to keep me from going crazy, the MS would have dragged me down years ago. Knowing I might just wake up tomorrow, unable to walk, or see, or feel some parts of my body? That is scary as hell, because it just might happen any day. But if I let this get to me, I might as well just lay down and die and give up. I will not give up to this.

I will not let MS get to me.

Sure, it is a diagnosis of a horrible, scary, disease, which might get me any day and cripple me. But I will not let it get to me. No way, no how.

As I sit here, the entire left side of my body twitching and turning as it wants to without any regards to me I say; Fuck you MS..I will not let you get me. You can not bring me down. I will continue to enjoy my life, my Second life, my store, the music I love, the people I love. The fact I can see, or walk, or feel. Whatever you want to take away from me, I will not let you, I will fight you tooth and nail and not fucking let you.

One of these days they will find a cure…and I will be alive to receive it…because we are not far from it.

Multiple Sclerosis is an ugly disease..a scary disease…but I, or anyone else suffering from it, will not let it get us down. We’ll take it..we’ll joke about it. We live with it, we know just how bad and how random it is and how it strikes, but we will never let it break our spirit.

Never.

With that said..I know I cry about it at times, because it is just so fucking unfair. Seriously, just as unfair as cancer, and several other diseases. This is something that will eventually kill me. But what can I do?

I can’t, so I’ll just enjoy my life for now.

Want to know what enrages me the most? It’s not the fact I have it. I can live with MS. I can live with the fact that one of these days I’ll be confined to a wheelchair..the thing that enrages me the most is that it is so random. It just strikes when it wants to. Wherever it feels it wants to strike. My best friend has it too. She got diagnosed just a month or two away from when I did, and right now, all I want to do is go outside and shout at the Universe “This isn’t fair. Just cut it out…stop it”

Fuck off from my friend, leave her alone. I love her so much I’d give up anything..but no, I can’t..because MS. Fuck you MS. I love her, leave her alone, let her live her life in happiness and peace, let her be the person she is meant to be. Take me instead, I can take it.

But it will not stop. Not yet. More and more people will get MS.

Until we find a cure.

We haven’t yet…but I am keeping my hopes up. We will…one of these day. I know it. I just hope it is before I am stuck to a wheelchair.

That is all.

 

Details on clothes and such, cause I’m sure you want it..despite this long and rambling post:

Skin: [Pink Fuel] Sora <Alabaster> – Natural (previous Futurewave)
Hair: Exile::Shine (The Arcade)
Eyes: .ID. Purple-Pink Flare (previous Arcade item) and PMD – Era Eyes – 4
Horns: :[Plastik]:- Living Light Horns
Collar: …::: Scrub :::… Like a Nun Collar (WCF 3)
Hands: Slink Female Feet (AvEnhance)
Nailpolish: PMD – Grimmur
Shirt: *Fishy Strawberry* New York Deep V (collabor88)
Pants: ISON – work it trousers (Collabor88)
Shoes: [L.Warwick] Ibis -Platform Heels- Noir

Valkyria

So, I finally had some spare time to sit down a fiddle around a bit more with that hair tutorial I mentioned in my previous post. It’s not perfect, but it’s getting there I think, and this hair by Exile from the Arcade proved to be perfect to experiment on.

Now, onto some unedited pics for once. I only added a little blur to the first one, and adjusted colours on the other, but it’s pretty much as seen in SL. This armour and headband from this round of We <3 RolePlay together made a sort of Valkyrie look, in a fantasy kind of way, and I must say I like it.

Skin: [Pink Fuel] Sora <Alabaster> – Special Edition (Futurewave, now closed)
Hair: Exile::Rain or Shine: 6. Dark Blonde (The Arcade)
Eyes: PMD – Era (Futurewave, now closed)
Headband: =Kio= Rising Head Band – We <3 RP
Armour: PFC~War Kitten – We <3 RP
Necklace: Cobrahive – Beloved Thor
Feet and hands: Slink Avatar Enhancments
Shoes: Slink Lulu Stiletto (Addon) Black
Sword: [EZ] Wrath’s Conviction

Lean on me

Yeah, alright, I admit, I do love taking pictures with other people. It is a nice change from taking pictures of only myself, and it is a bit of a challenge for me to work on someone else. So today I dragged my good old favorite sarcastic asshole Nogard Siamendes with me to do pictures. Seriously, that’s why we became friends in the first place >.> We just clicked as friends, and we still are after all these years. Now if he finds me too cheesy with this lil public affection I’m showing, I’m sure he’ll make fun of me, but whatever :P It’s rare to find people you get along well with in SL for as long as we have.

I had lots of fun editing the first picture, which you may notice, as it’s quite heavily edited (specially if you click on it to get the original size), the other two I just smoothed out a few hard edges and adjusted the colours a bit, so they are more or less as seen in SL.

On Me:

Skin: Glam Affair – Margot – Europa 02
Hair: [LeLutka]-CHERYL hair/Dark Grayscale
Eyes: REPULSE – Nocturnal Eyes and {D.A} Sinistre – Blind Grey
Collar: SiniStyle Posture Collar (D-Rings)
Eyeliner: PMD – Liners
Lipstripe: PMD – Lip Markings
Tattoo: ~Cannibelle~ Efa Tattoo
Piercing: [MANDALA]OKAKI face peiarcing set
Vest: (r)M~Lavish Vest~No.06
Skirt: Yasum*MESH*DARE YOU SKIRT*PITCH
Shoes: Opium Extreme AnkleBoots
Hands: Slink Avatar Enhancement Hand Casual
Nail appliers: PMD – Black and White
Ring: [ SAKIDE ] Black Cranium Rings PACK
Poses: Both are by Exposeur

On Nogard:
Hair: Exile Pulse
Vest and shirt : Razor/// Trekka
Tie: Razor/// Formal
Gloves: Razor//// Timberlake
Pants: Razor//// Jawbreaker grunge
Boots: GOS Triumph
Tatoo: Vestigium Scale
Skin: Tableau Vivant – Zero
Eyes: Repulse Nocturnal

Outside myself

Skin: Glam Affair – Amberly
Hair: Exile::Sparkle And Fade Naturals
Eyes: Dead Apples – Blind Grey – Sinistre Bloodlust
Piercing: :HV: Alice
Blush: PMD – Blush (Summer Fashion Festival dollarbie)
Hands: Slink Mesh Hands
Nail appliers: PMD – Black and white
Dress: [ SAKIDE ] Promenade Dress (Summer Fashion Festival)
Shoes: Slink Lulu
Backdrop: Tableau Vivant

Before we could walk, we were dancing

As a pose hoarder collector, Pose Fair is one event I eagerly await each year. This year Pose Fair runs from March 29th to April 14th. I will post way more, and will include a slurl once it is open for public, but for now you can have some teasers. All poses in today’s post are by Grafica, which is a new to me brand, but I’m liking it already. So much motion in their poses which are great for these types of pictures.

Skin: :Curio: Pout-Pure
Hair: ::Exile:: Bring it On!
Eyes: {D.A} Sinistre – Blind Grey
Eyeliner: -Glam Affair- Couture Eyeliner
Piercing: [ni.Ju] Devil’s Gangway Piercing
Horns: .ILLUSORY. Horns_1a
Earrings: :[P]:- Jestyr Earrings
Nails: ….::: Scrub :::… Break one’s Back
Outfit: *{ SeVered GarDeN }* ERIN Dark
Hooves: *Epic* Black Demon Legs
Tail: *Epic* Curvy Succubus’ Heart Tail
Poses: Grafica (Pose Fair)
Location

The beauty of Second Life

I can switch style completely with just a few clicks. I can have a new home when I feel like it.

I rather like this new house by [ba], found at the Home Expo, and I can totally see myself living in it for a while.

Skin: -Glam Affair- Leah Light –
Hair: ::Exile:: Groove Theory: Naturals
Eyes: Violet Studios – Firepit Eyes Stone
Necklace and bracelets: .:CoLL:. Trinity Jewelry Set
Outfit: [ SAKIDE ] Forever Classic Outfit
Shoes: Slink Lulu Stilettos Black
House with furniture: [ba] mulholland (Home Expo)

General Wandering.

Figuring out what to wear is the first bit, sure, but the wandering around looking for locations can find ya saying “coo” lots..

Location: Leviathan – Vanguard Bastion VN-181, Leviathan (254, 54, 21), cute lil combat sim, friendly natives  (apart from the guns, of course).

Skin:- Tableau Vivant – Vincent July
Eyes:- Pulse – Caroline #2
Makeup:- Sorry.Asia – Eyeliner (1)
Hair:- ::Exile:: – Pulse, Mercury
Belt: – *BLITZED* – Classic Belt v.2
Neck:- Uknown – Cord Necklace (off some hunt or other,  i think.)
Ear Peircing:- ::Knock!:: – Buffy
Pants:- Immerchoen – Zipper Camo Leather Pants
Shirt:- **Guarded Cross** – Black Suade Shirt G2 GC Edition
Boots:- Bobbysocks – Mens Ankle Loggers
Gloves:- AVid – Requiem (outfit)